the waiting game

okay, i have to talk to SOMEONE! and it's cool if i over share with you :)
so i have totally been keeping this inside, not telling anyone, including my husband, which is WAY psycho, but i want it to be a surprise if/when i find out i am pregnant. read on and i'll elaborate.
i was supposed to get my period monday. but i didn't. because i was expecting it, i took a pregnancy test, but it said i wasn't pregnant. so i was totally bummed, this being the first month (i think) i had an idea of when i was ovulating. but now...it's thursday, and still no period. so now i'm just feeling tortured, but not wanting to take another test because i really really feel disappointed when they say i'm not pregnant :/
for the first time i really am getting obsessed with having another baby. i don't know why, and i keep praying that i let God be in control of it, because it's not a process i can just snap my fingers, wish it to be, and POOF! my wish is His command.
SO.
i'm waiting. and I HATE WAITING. how long should i wait???